Can I talk to the single people again? I know that's been like my main audience for the past few blog posts, but if I'm being honest there's not really enough realness in the Christian single community and I intend to change that. So I want to pose a hypothetical situation for you here:

You're single. And if you're being honest, you have been for quite some time. It's partially your choice, because you refuse to settle, but at this point you've been waiting so long that you're wondering if being obedient in waiting is even worth it. You're wondering if perhaps your standards are too high, or maybe your prayers have had some difficulties on their way up to the Big Man. What happens when sticking to it becomes hard? What happens when you've prayed for years and you still have nothing to show for it? What happens when you want to give up?

Anyone resonating with this? Or is it just me?

I want to share with you 4 things to remember when the going gets tough and waiting has become too painful to bear.

1. On any given day, you are one day closer to breakthrough
Unfortunately, we don't have the pleasure of knowing exactly when breakthrough may happen, but we can be confident that since God's plans for us are good and that He is for us, that breakthrough IS in the plan. Think about it this way. You might meet your future spouse, or get clarity on who it is tomorrow. It may be a year from now. But isn't it beautiful knowing that wherever you are on that timeline, each day when you wake up you are one day closer to your answered prayer?

2. God's timing is extremely precise
One of the things not left up to us in this world is timing. That is God's job. And as much as I'd like to control it sometimes, I'm glad it's not my responsibility. Because at the end of the day God's got the greatest jigsaw puzzle in the world and He's got to figure out how to plan everything out for the billions of people currently on the Earth, and those to come. You see, God isn't a procrastinator, He plans ahead. What if you're waiting because God has a specific purpose for your future child? In order for that child to be born at exactly the right time for that purpose to come to pass the way God's planned it, you have to wait a little bit longer to meet your future spouse. Doesn't that make waiting worth it? God is precise. Get an aerial view to this; there's more to this than meets the eye.

3. Your heart isn't the only one involved
I know this may come as a shock to you, but you're not the only one on this planet. Nor am I, but sometimes I pray like I am. I want you to think about this. Marriage is the closest two people can be on this Earth. Therefore, the two parties' hearts are in a sense cemented to each other. Remember, friend, that your heart isn't the only one in this equation; God has to take into account your future spouse's as well. What if you're waiting because your future spouse is praying something specific about you, and God is making sure that you are prepared to be that or vice versa? What if you're waiting because your future spouse is working out some stuff in his/her life that would be toxic to a relationship if you were to be joined together now? What if (grab hold of your hearts, it's about to get real) your future spouse is in another relationship now? I know, not ideal but stick with me here. Not only would that be two hearts at play, yours and his/hers, but also the heart of the person they are in the relationship with. God takes all of this into account; we don't.

4. Persistence is the key to the promise
This one is not particularly attractive because it requires some work from you. You've got to keep praying. You've got to keep seeking. You've got to keep knocking. God knows what you desire obviously, but He wants to hear about it. Keep coming to God with it. One of the reasons maybe He holds off on giving it to you immediately is because He wants your heart. You've come too far to quit. Even though God did many instant miracles for the Israelites along the way, they were still in the wilderness for 40 years, and once they were delivered Jericho still didn't fall down in an instant. In fact they kept marching like God said even when there was no sign of breakthrough and even when it almost seemed silly to continue. Keep walking. You might be on your 7th lap. On the other side of your perseverance is your answered prayer.

At the end of the day, when we get discouraged hope is always renewed through seeing from a higher perspective. I hope that this has helped you to gain some perspective. It doesn't mean you won't struggle and it doesn't mean you won't get discouraged ever again. It simply is a reminder of what your heart already knows: God is faithful and He's got this figured out.

When I got into teaching, I knew it was a career that was difficult, but I never knew it was a career where I would constantly be fighting to prove the value of my job. What's more, I never thought I'd be fighting to prove this to people who should already know. People praise teachers up and down for, "doing what they do," but do they really know what that is? Or is it just convenient to say until a child is failing and it becomes more convenient to blame the teacher? Are there bad teachers? Absolutely. But is that the main issue? Far from it. Let's get real here shall we?

My students are not a number. We’ve gotten to the place as an education system where we have reduced mere children down to a number on a scale, and if they’re lucky they’re assigned a color on a data sheet to determine how they measure up to an arbitrary standard set by the state. When did education and the quest for knowledge become reduced down to this? When did passing a test become more important than acquisition of knowledge? Studies show that students are more stressed now than they used to be and why shouldn’t they be with the amount of pressure put on them? We are presenting this idea that the classroom isn’t a place where it’s ok to make mistakes given that they often lead us to mastery, but rather that a mistake will cost you your grade. “You better get good grades, because you want to get into college,” we bark at them from far too early an age. What about the fact that learning is one of the greatest pleasures in the world? What about the fact that such depth and beauty can be found in the areas of English, Social Studies, Science, and Math? But no, we’ve reduced it down to a standardized test at the end of the year which separates students into three categories: advanced (or as the kids call it: smart), pass (or as it’s often referred to: not good enough), or fail (or as most people see it: a failure; read: not going anywhere in life).

What we fail to acknowledge is that Johnny who “failed” his standardized test has actually grown immensely this year. We fail to recognize what really matters: improvement. We fail to actually recognize students for their overall worth and value and rather attach a numeric or letter grade to their value as humans, and as such they are forever impacted. What about the kid who is a bad test taker on that one test day, but excels consistently every day in class? What about the kid who has a horrendous home life, and as much as he/she tries, just can’t keep up with the material in class? Are these students any less of people because they’ve failed their standardized test? It would be silly to assume so, but yet we do! And students aren't ignorant; they know that a great deal of teachers do this, as well as their parents. So in turn, their self esteem level is now connected to their grade. I know this because I see it every day. The frantic look in a student's eye when they have a B+ instead of an A. The lack of effort in a D student because they don't think they can do it because, "I'm just dumb." Where does it start? From the importance we place on this arbitrary standard that one person deemed as acceptable.

Let’s also not forget that the whole reason for even putting these tests into place has to do with the fact that it “creates a standard of excellence” in the classroom. Does it really though? Is it really excellent that some teachers hand students a released test and have them analyze that instead of delving into deep analysis and higher level skills to improve overall retention? Is it excellent that non-standardized test classrooms are deemed “lesser” than those who have high stakes tests? Is it really excellent that some teachers neglect certain content because “it’s not on the test”?
This is the education system we are dealing with here and it’s not working. In fact, we’ve seen a severe decline over the past 10 years or so. We are producing students who are entering the workforce knowing how to take tests rather than how to problem solve and critically think. We’re teaching them how to be good at school, not how to be effective humans. No matter how you formulate standardized testing, it will never be able to capture the authenticity of higher level skills that should be, and often are, taught in the classroom. I dare say that if we treated teachers as the experts on the field (which by the way, we are trained to be), and let them teach the way they know how to teach, we would see a vastly different education system than the one we are living in now.

As a single teacher I can’t fix it. I can’t fix the way people think, and my voice isn’t paricularly loud by itself. But with more voices, the noise gets louder, and with more noise comes change. It starts with awareness so that’s what I’m doing: letting you know what your education system is like and how flawed it actually is. Why does it matter to you? Because with every paycheck you are contributing a portion of what you earn to our school system whether you use it or not. What it comes down to is: is this something that you're pleased you're investing in? I'm not only a teacher, I'm a taxpayer, and my answer is, no. I'm choosing to speak up. The question is, will you listen, or turn a deaf ear?

I've been holding all of this in for a long time. Quite honestly, I've really just been hoping that another blogger would do it, but alas I'm consistently left disappointed. I can't tell you the amount of posts I've read where cliches and trite Christianese phrases are thrown around carelessly, only to leave the reader feeling mocked and belittled. It's frustrating and humiliating, and it makes my blood boil. Ladies, I get you, and that's what I'm here to tell you.

Given that I've had EXTENSIVE experience in the field of being single, I think I have the liberty to speak freely here for a little bit. It's time to get real. Being single for a prolonged period of time is extremely hard. I want to make it clear I'm not talking about the brief stint of singleness between boyfriends that one may experience. I'm talking about the kind of singleness that is present season after season without fail. The singleness that coexists and even laughs in the face of the dream and desire for a meaningful relationship. That singleness is what I'm here to talk to you about today, and the reason is because there are some things you need to know that I'm not sure anyone has ever told you. I'm going to save you the time and frustration by not telling you things you already know such as, "You need to put God first, " and "Be complete by yourself first," because if you're anything like me, just hearing those sends a wave of anger through you. No, I'm here to reassure and encourage you, and I'm hoping some, if not all of these statements, will set you free.

1. Your dream isn't stupid
I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself, "Why can't my dream in life be something more noble like missions? Marriage is such a silly desire to have and pales in comparison to some of the other things my friends are dreaming." Hopefully I'm not alone in this, and I'm sure someone else out there has thought this very same thing. But, the issue is that it's flawed. Here's something you may not have realized: marriage and the desire for a partner in life is pre-fall. That means that before Adam and Eve even sinned in the first place, God said the following, "It is not good for man to be alone," and gave Eve to Adam. Think about that. They had everything they needed in PARADISE, and they walked with God, but yet God still said it wasn't good for man to be alone. I've heard that preached alongside the topic of community, and it can totally be applied to that, but one can't deny that this was very much in reference to marital companionship. God designed it and he is a fan of it. Marriage is godly and it is important. It's the single most powerful relationship you can have in your life after that with Christ. So no, friend, it's not stupid; it's actually really really important.

2. It's ok to have bad days
There have been days where I've sat and thought, "Wow I'm content in my singleness today!" and then an hour later I'm listening to emotional music while crying. It's easy to feel crazy in those moments, but it's also easy to forget that unwanted singleness is a battle just as much (albeit in a different way) as marriage is a battle. Remember though that when you fight that battle, you might fail. You might have strong days, weeks, even months, and then you may have days, weeks, and months of the opposite. It's ok. Give yourself grace. Although we don't have to let our emotions rule us, we do have them for a reason and ignoring them does more harm than good. Give yourself grace to feel what you're feeling. Feel it entirely, but don't unpack and live there. Take your time processing, then pick yourself back up and keep moving.

3. A lot of people don't get it
There will be people along this journey who will try to encourage you in saying things like:
"I've been there before too! That year of singleness was so hard for me."
"Just trust God! He will bring you the right guy at the right time!"
"You don't need a man to be fulfilled! Live your life now!"
"You're young, you've got time."

These pieces of advice sound good, and some of them have A LOT of truth to them. But behind them all lay the same theme: the issuer really doesn't get it at all. People may even tell you that they understand, but in my experience, it's usually not true (still being real here, sorry). They don't know that of course you know you don't need a man to be fulfilled, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to experience the joys of a meaningful relationship. Like, "Wow Susan, you've MAGICALLY suppressed that desire within me, and I'm no longer struggling! Thanks!" They don't know that their brief season of singleness is NOTHING compared to the extensive timeline you've experienced; they don't get that them throwing out such a seemingly insignificant number is more insulting than it is encouraging. They don't know that you are trusting God with everything in you, and that you've been praying fervently for longer than you can keep track of. In short, they don't understand, but that doesn't mean that you're being dramatic or that your pain isn't real. It just means that they don't get it, and they don't have to.

4. You're not sad because you're dramatic, you're sad because you're grieving
I heard it said once that, "Missing your person is like grieving the loss of someone who is supposed to be there but is not." Think about it. Your heart's desire is to do life with this person and with each day and important event that passes, they're not there. And they're not there once, or even twice, but for years and years they miss events that you so desperately want them to be a part of. Of course you're sad! You want them to be there alongside you experiencing it with you, and likewise you want to be there for their most important moments as well. I want to propose this: it doesn't show your weakness, it shows the beauty of your heart for companionship.

5. You get so caught up in it because your heart is designed for a forever love
I've been in countless scenarios where my heart has gotten way too invested too quickly (absolutely my fault) only to be let down before anything even began. Fast forward to months, even years later and I'm still hung up on it, feeling the pangs of rejection every now and then. It's easy to feel in those moments like you are the weird one because, "Why can't I just get over it?" But friend, your heart was designed for a forever love. You love so deeply in the first place because that is how you were meant to love, and you hold on to that love because that is how you are supposed to love. You weren't meant to be casual with your feelings and move from one guy to the next. No, you were meant to be with one person, love one person, and choose that person day after day. You have those deep feelings that are hard to get rid of not because you're weird, but because that's the way you were designed. Your future husband is really going to appreciate that you feel deeply for him and don't let go of love easily.

6. You're not single because something is wrong with you
One of the most annoying things people say about singleness is that one is single because "they're not ready yet."Again, there is some truth to this because by and large singleness is a season of preparation. But if we're not careful, this statement can lead the receiver to feel like they have to be perfect and completely ready in order to receive what God has for them. Not only is this outrageous, it's completely unbiblical. If God waited for us to get our acts together to bless us, we'd never be blessed. In fact, we'd never have received the gift of salvation. So yes, absolutely use this time to better yourself, but also remember that God's blessing and faithfulness is not dependent on your behavior, it's dependent on his grace.

7. God hasn't forgotten about you
Admittedly, this is one that I have trouble rallying behind sometimes. Because when you've been praying with absolutely no sign of breakthrough for so long, it's easy to feel like God's forgotten about His promise to fulfill the desires of your heart. But even when we don't feel it, we must remind our souls of the truth: God is faithful. I don't know the reason you're still waiting, no more than I know the reason I'm still waiting, but I want to suggest something that you may have never thought of before. When I was little, I would ask my parents for things I really really wanted for Christmas. And it wasn't like this one time thing. No it was like every opportunity I could get to remind them that I really really wanted it. Even though they might not answer me or reassure me that I was going to get it, when Christmas Day arrived, they were so excited to finally give that gift to me. God is a good father right? We know this because it's part of His character and He cannot deny Himself. The word says that earthly parents give good gifts so how much more does your Heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask Him (Matthew 7:11). God is eager to give you your gift that you've been asking for relentlessly. He's not holding out on you. He's prepared and wrapped it, it's just not time to open it yet.

This doesn't even scratch the surface of things I wish I could tell my sisters who are in the same boat as me, but if you don't get anything else out of this I want you to know that you're not alone, you're not abnormal, and you're not undesirable. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are stunning, and most of all you are stronger than you realize. Keep praying and believing, beauties. Even when it doesn't make sense to hope, keep hoping. Even when you don't feel like praying anymore, keep praying. Even when you'd much rather give up and compromise, stand firm. One day, your obedience will become one of your greatest testimonies.

Back in March, I wrote a post about the "Waiting Room," and it's honestly a metaphor I think about a lot. Mostly because even though it's been nearly a year since I wrote that, I'm still waiting. I'm out here, posted up in the waiting room, and I've read like 38 novels along with all the old tabloids laying around, my phone is dead, I've taken a nap, checked in with the receptionist an additional 10 times to see what the status is, and yet, after all of this I still haven't been seen by the doctor. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm even going to be seen at all today. I'm quite frankly ready to give up and go home at this point.

Admittedly, this isn't a metaphorical scenario that's even that outlandish from what's actually been going on with me. I'm in a seemingly never-ending season of waiting, and although I know it has purpose, I'm growing weary.

I don't know about you, but I'm a hot mess. I'm like overly emotional all the time, and it's just that: a mess. But I take comfort in knowing that I am in good company with God's people and one of those was Jacob. Jacob had a hard life, y'all. I don't have time to go into his entire biography, but basically he got himself into a lot of things that made his life more difficult. Recently, I've been listening to some highlights from Pastor Steven Furtick's series, "Death to Selfie." In it, he chronicles the life of Jacob and teaches a TON of valuable lessons using his life through triumphs and successes. One of the most profound points he makes is that after Jacob has died, Moses asks God the question, "When people ask me who you are, what should I tell them?" And God says, "I am who I am." That's a pretty popular verse, but what follows is even more profound. God answers, "The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." Now that seems pretty basic because Jacob is his name, but the name Jacob represents Jacob's old self. God renamed Jacob "Israel" after an encounter with Him where He was changed. Furtick makes the point that if you were God, wouldn't you use Israel instead when listing off your achievements? Wouldn't you want to be known by his good side? But no, God uses Jacob's name intentionally to show that God is the God of our struggle as well as our triumphs. I can't communicate it as well as he does, so here's the video.

Statistically, I feel like everyone experiences a terrible Christmas at least once in their lives. It's normal to have a bad day, but on Christmas it almost seems criminal to experience. I experienced such a bad day last year when a prolonged anxiety attack paired with crippling depression landed me in the ER on Christmas Day. This year, I've found myself remembering where I was a year ago, and reflecting on what I've learned.

The Christmas season is one that is filled with sensory elements that are unlike any other season throughout the year. There are many sights, sounds, and smells that are so unique to Christmas. And since such things tend to cement memories, this season has been filled with a lot of flashbacks to last year. However, not all of them have been bad. This year, I found myself thinking about what the entire meaning of this season is and realizing just how intentional God is in using everything.

One of the biggest things I learned over this past year was the true value of God's grace. I've gone into detail on this in my book and other blog posts, but it's truly something that I took for granted for a good part of my Christian life. Grace is unmerited favor. Grace is freeing. Grace is healing. Grace is everything. And it's exactly what God sent His son here to accomplish. Because of Christmas, I've been given the gift of grace.

Recently I've been doing a devotional that is a Bible verse a day. I personally (having done a variety of different Bible studies) am really enjoying the small chunk format that this study puts it in for me. It gives me the ability to really break down the context and etymology of each verse, and as a result get more out of it. Yesterday was a jam-packed Christmas Eve and admittedly, I missed my quiet time. I find myself often wondering (even though it's ridiculous) if the day I missed is a word for yesterday rather than today. Neglecting to remember, of course, that God factored in my mishap. Today, I opened up what was supposed to be the verse for yesterday and found that my missing yesterday actually led me to such an important reminder from God today. This was the verse:

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—" - Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)

God reminded me through this that even though last year's Christmas brought a great deal of pain, tears, and memories that I will not soon forget; it also brought a renewed sense of what grace really is. Each year from this year on, I will see Christmas for what it really is: an opportunity to thank God for the gift of His son and the many gifts that come as a result of his sacrifice; one of them being grace.

To the 3 boys who didn't love me back,

I'm writing this open letter not to call any of you out, but rather because I'm finally coming to a place where I can sort out the purpose that each of you served in my life and be thankful for each one. I'm writing this to encourage so many others struggling with unrequited love that there is a purpose in their pain, even if it takes years to find out what it is.

To my first love (if you can call it that): You were the first boy I ever really liked and to some extent even loved. You were kind, funny, smart, and super fun to be around. I liked you not because you were the most popular person in the 8th grade, or because you were super attractive, or even because you had the best style (because really you were none of those things), but rather I liked you because of your personality. You were the first boy I ever really seriously liked apart from the casual, flippant middle school way of a different crush every hour. Yes, it's true you didn't feel the same about me, and yes I would have liked to have been the one to have told you that I liked you rather than someone else telling you, but we both know how 8th grade goes. One thing I appreciated about you though when all was said and done was your graciousness throughout the situation. When we were 14, you handled my heart better than some 24 year olds have since then. Loving you taught me, in this my first real love, that character is the most important thing in a person, and to never compromise on that. Not only because it lasts, but because it's so dang fun to love someone who is fun to be around. Loving you also taught me how to let go. My feelings lasted long beyond 8th grade (a trend that later would be characteristic of all my relationships), but eventually one day I just had to lay it down and move forward. I want to thank you though for your maturity, which was far beyond your years, where you were still my friend even after it was awkward. The friend zone wasn't as painful with you as it has been since then.

To the one who broke my heart: People reading this are going to think you're the bad guy from your pseudonym, but I want to make it clear that you're not. I don't believe that. Granted, the situation sucked and it was more unpleasant than it ever was pleasant, but that doesn't make you a bad guy. In fact, in a weird way I'm thankful for you because out of the three, I learned the most from loving you. You showed me that someone could actually be attracted to me and pursue me, which was something I questioned would ever happen. That became a reality for the first time with you. Unfortunately for you though, you were unknowingly the handsome hero in an imaginary reality that I built for myself within my own mind and when that didn't materialize the way I thought it would, the backdrop of my imaginary reality came crashing down in a crushing wave of disappointment. That part was completely on me. But the whole situation not working out wasn't all on me. Not even close. Even though you said a lot of things you never followed through on and continued in this habit long after you dropped me for someone else, I'm not angry with you...not anymore. This situation was a lot bigger than either of us and believe it or not I still think about you sometimes and wonder what you're doing. Whether your big dreams ever came true or if you have new dreams you want to pursue. Not because I still love you but because I still very much care about you. Loving you taught me how to forgive without a preceding apology, loving you taught me how to believe in someone's potential and encourage them in that, and most of all loving you taught me that I am worthy of a man who would give so much more than I was wanting (and much to my dismay, not receiving) from you.

To the one who seemed perfect: I still don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to think about you. On paper, and quite frankly on every other medium imaginable, you are the whole package. You are everything I prayed for and then some save this one thing: you couldn't care less about me. I've never felt so invisible in my life, not even with "the first love" and "the one who broke my heart." You are the hardest one to reconcile because by all counts it doesn't make sense. But, I'm still thankful because as much as I want to scream at you and tell you what for, loving you has taught me a great deal as well. I've learned how to seek God in my prospective relationships right out of the gate, which is something I was previously not doing. Loving you has taught me to be bold. I've done and said things I never would have done or said if you weren't on the receiving end. And possibly most importantly, loving you has taught me that I'm worthy and deserving of being unashamedly pursued which is something that, although I wanted you to do for a long time, you didn't do and probably never will.

To some degree I still love all of you. And please note I use love in a very loose way really because I don't know another way to describe it. You three are really the closest I've ever been to loving anyone and quite honestly I don't even think the love I have for all three of you even measures up to what real love is like. Mostly though, I still care about all of you. Not for any weird reason, but because you were important to me in one season of my life or another and just because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to doesn't mean I can't still root for you. I don't choose to like trash; I choose people I can see value in. I saw something in each one of you that I thought was worth caring about and your lack of attention doesn't change my posture towards you. It's true you never loved me back and in each instance I had to mourn an imaginary life that would never materialize, but I loved you nonetheless and loving each of you has taught me so many invaluable lessons. Hands down the greatest lesson I've learned from all three of you though is that human love will always pale in comparison to God's love. Where you ignored me, God gave me His undivided attention; where you said I wasn't good enough, God said, "You are good enough through me."; where you broke my heart, God restored it; where you never pursued, God ran towards me unashamedly; where you chose someone else above me, God said, "I chose you and I choose you. You are mine." And whoever does end up getting my whole heart in marriage will be the one to emulate that godly love. I hope you find that too because you deserve it.

Love always,
Megan

Flying can be stressful though. You have to get to the airport like 187 hours early, you have to check in, then wait 70 hours to go through security, and another 58 hours to actually board the plane. Of course, along the way come many other stressors such as outlandish security procedures and countless carry on restrictions. However, usually the one thing on the bottom of the flyer's stress list is their checked baggage getting to their destination.