I've been holding all of this in for a long time. Quite honestly, I've really just been hoping that another blogger would do it, but alas I'm consistently left disappointed. I can't tell you the amount of posts I've read where cliches and trite Christianese phrases are thrown around carelessly, only to leave the reader feeling mocked and belittled. It's frustrating and humiliating, and it makes my blood boil. Ladies, I get you, and that's what I'm here to tell you.

Given that I've had EXTENSIVE experience in the field of being single, I think I have the liberty to speak freely here for a little bit. It's time to get real. Being single for a prolonged period of time is extremely hard. I want to make it clear I'm not talking about the brief stint of singleness between boyfriends that one may experience. I'm talking about the kind of singleness that is present season after season without fail. The singleness that coexists and even laughs in the face of the dream and desire for a meaningful relationship. That singleness is what I'm here to talk to you about today, and the reason is because there are some things you need to know that I'm not sure anyone has ever told you. I'm going to save you the time and frustration by not telling you things you already know such as, "You need to put God first, " and "Be complete by yourself first," because if you're anything like me, just hearing those sends a wave of anger through you. No, I'm here to reassure and encourage you, and I'm hoping some, if not all of these statements, will set you free.

1. Your dream isn't stupid
I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself, "Why can't my dream in life be something more noble like missions? Marriage is such a silly desire to have and pales in comparison to some of the other things my friends are dreaming." Hopefully I'm not alone in this, and I'm sure someone else out there has thought this very same thing. But, the issue is that it's flawed. Here's something you may not have realized: marriage and the desire for a partner in life is pre-fall. That means that before Adam and Eve even sinned in the first place, God said the following, "It is not good for man to be alone," and gave Eve to Adam. Think about that. They had everything they needed in PARADISE, and they walked with God, but yet God still said it wasn't good for man to be alone. I've heard that preached alongside the topic of community, and it can totally be applied to that, but one can't deny that this was very much in reference to marital companionship. God designed it and he is a fan of it. Marriage is godly and it is important. It's the single most powerful relationship you can have in your life after that with Christ. So no, friend, it's not stupid; it's actually really really important.

2. It's ok to have bad days
There have been days where I've sat and thought, "Wow I'm content in my singleness today!" and then an hour later I'm listening to emotional music while crying. It's easy to feel crazy in those moments, but it's also easy to forget that unwanted singleness is a battle just as much (albeit in a different way) as marriage is a battle. Remember though that when you fight that battle, you might fail. You might have strong days, weeks, even months, and then you may have days, weeks, and months of the opposite. It's ok. Give yourself grace. Although we don't have to let our emotions rule us, we do have them for a reason and ignoring them does more harm than good. Give yourself grace to feel what you're feeling. Feel it entirely, but don't unpack and live there. Take your time processing, then pick yourself back up and keep moving.

3. A lot of people don't get it
There will be people along this journey who will try to encourage you in saying things like:
"I've been there before too! That year of singleness was so hard for me."
"Just trust God! He will bring you the right guy at the right time!"
"You don't need a man to be fulfilled! Live your life now!"
"You're young, you've got time."

These pieces of advice sound good, and some of them have A LOT of truth to them. But behind them all lay the same theme: the issuer really doesn't get it at all. People may even tell you that they understand, but in my experience, it's usually not true (still being real here, sorry). They don't know that of course you know you don't need a man to be fulfilled, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to experience the joys of a meaningful relationship. Like, "Wow Susan, you've MAGICALLY suppressed that desire within me, and I'm no longer struggling! Thanks!" They don't know that their brief season of singleness is NOTHING compared to the extensive timeline you've experienced; they don't get that them throwing out such a seemingly insignificant number is more insulting than it is encouraging. They don't know that you are trusting God with everything in you, and that you've been praying fervently for longer than you can keep track of. In short, they don't understand, but that doesn't mean that you're being dramatic or that your pain isn't real. It just means that they don't get it, and they don't have to.

4. You're not sad because you're dramatic, you're sad because you're grieving
I heard it said once that, "Missing your person is like grieving the loss of someone who is supposed to be there but is not." Think about it. Your heart's desire is to do life with this person and with each day and important event that passes, they're not there. And they're not there once, or even twice, but for years and years they miss events that you so desperately want them to be a part of. Of course you're sad! You want them to be there alongside you experiencing it with you, and likewise you want to be there for their most important moments as well. I want to propose this: it doesn't show your weakness, it shows the beauty of your heart for companionship.

5. You get so caught up in it because your heart is designed for a forever love
I've been in countless scenarios where my heart has gotten way too invested too quickly (absolutely my fault) only to be let down before anything even began. Fast forward to months, even years later and I'm still hung up on it, feeling the pangs of rejection every now and then. It's easy to feel in those moments like you are the weird one because, "Why can't I just get over it?" But friend, your heart was designed for a forever love. You love so deeply in the first place because that is how you were meant to love, and you hold on to that love because that is how you are supposed to love. You weren't meant to be casual with your feelings and move from one guy to the next. No, you were meant to be with one person, love one person, and choose that person day after day. You have those deep feelings that are hard to get rid of not because you're weird, but because that's the way you were designed. Your future husband is really going to appreciate that you feel deeply for him and don't let go of love easily.

6. You're not single because something is wrong with you
One of the most annoying things people say about singleness is that one is single because "they're not ready yet."Again, there is some truth to this because by and large singleness is a season of preparation. But if we're not careful, this statement can lead the receiver to feel like they have to be perfect and completely ready in order to receive what God has for them. Not only is this outrageous, it's completely unbiblical. If God waited for us to get our acts together to bless us, we'd never be blessed. In fact, we'd never have received the gift of salvation. So yes, absolutely use this time to better yourself, but also remember that God's blessing and faithfulness is not dependent on your behavior, it's dependent on his grace.

7. God hasn't forgotten about you
Admittedly, this is one that I have trouble rallying behind sometimes. Because when you've been praying with absolutely no sign of breakthrough for so long, it's easy to feel like God's forgotten about His promise to fulfill the desires of your heart. But even when we don't feel it, we must remind our souls of the truth: God is faithful. I don't know the reason you're still waiting, no more than I know the reason I'm still waiting, but I want to suggest something that you may have never thought of before. When I was little, I would ask my parents for things I really really wanted for Christmas. And it wasn't like this one time thing. No it was like every opportunity I could get to remind them that I really really wanted it. Even though they might not answer me or reassure me that I was going to get it, when Christmas Day arrived, they were so excited to finally give that gift to me. God is a good father right? We know this because it's part of His character and He cannot deny Himself. The word says that earthly parents give good gifts so how much more does your Heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask Him (Matthew 7:11). God is eager to give you your gift that you've been asking for relentlessly. He's not holding out on you. He's prepared and wrapped it, it's just not time to open it yet.

This doesn't even scratch the surface of things I wish I could tell my sisters who are in the same boat as me, but if you don't get anything else out of this I want you to know that you're not alone, you're not abnormal, and you're not undesirable. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are stunning, and most of all you are stronger than you realize. Keep praying and believing, beauties. Even when it doesn't make sense to hope, keep hoping. Even when you don't feel like praying anymore, keep praying. Even when you'd much rather give up and compromise, stand firm. One day, your obedience will become one of your greatest testimonies.