I want to switch it up a little bit for this blog post and just share a personal testimony of something that happened to me the other day in hopes that it will encourage you in some way, shape, or form.

If you didn't really know me, you'd be surprised to know that I'm actually very susceptible to timidity. It's strange because I don't really put off that vibe on the surface, but if you really know me you know that this couldn't be more true. I hide a lot behind false confidence, but by and large when it comes to big things I'm really timid. Unfortunately, my relationship with God is subject to this sometimes as well. It's a very large undertaking for me to be bold in my relationships because I've experienced so much rejection in the past. This is specifically the case when asking others for things. I'm not 100% sure of the reason, but I've somewhat gathered that it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't want to give people a reason to reject me so I don't ask for things given that it might come across as my being a burden; it's easier to do it myself because I know I won't get let down or I won't be too much for someone. Again, this is seen in my relationship with Christ. However, I've recently really just been praying for boldness to step outside of my comfort zone with others. This might mean that I initiate conversation with someone I don't know super well or I go up and talk to someone I've never met. Both very normal things, but very difficult for me! I've also been really working on boldness in my prayers with God. However, as all habits go, I fall back into timidity sometimes.

The other day I was driving to work and usually on my way to work I start my day off with prayer in my car. I had a particularly frustrating evening the night before and I was just really flustered about a great deal the next morning. When I was expressing all of my concerns to God, it was less like coherent thoughts and more like scattered fragments. I was literally so annoyed that I had no idea what I was even needing God to help me with. I continued on with this for a short while until I stopped at a stop light next to a church. Normally, I don't pay any mind to this church but for some reason (most likely the Lord) I was led to look out my passenger window. I noticed they had changed the sign. You know the one, the old school one you have to manually spell out the message with black block letters. What I read was not just a catchy phrase designed to draw people in, but to me it was God speaking to me. The sign read:

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?
Luke 18:41"

The verse mentioned is the ending to an account where Jesus heals a blind man. The blind man calls out twice to Jesus and says, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" To the human mind, we wonder what did he do that he needs mercy for? One would assume he means his blindness, which was viewed as sin at this time, but one cannot know for sure. That is, unless you are Jesus. However, what Jesus asked next was the verse that I saw on the sign. He said, "What do you want me to do for you?" Why did He ask that? He's the Messiah, didn't He already know?

Most likely the answer is, yes. But, I have reason to believe that Jesus asked this of the blind man because He wanted the man to ask Him specifically for what he needed. I think God does this sometimes so that when He answers our prayers, we have no other person to give credit to but Him; everything is for His glory, especially answered prayers. His word implores us to come boldly to the throne and to ask and ask again (a principle that was actually mentioned at the beginning of the very same chapter).

As I read this and pondered the boldness I knew God was trying to teach me, I chuckled and took it as a very blatant hint that I needed to be specific. You see, when I was rambling on, I was skirting around everything that I actually wanted to ask Him for in fear that I would be a burden, that He would be frustrated for my asking again, or even for fear that what I was asking for wouldn't come to pass. However, boldness takes courage and sometimes that courage is as simple as stepping out and being real with God.