Last week I wrote a blog about waiting and recently waiting has been the biggest area of challenge for me; God is really teaching me patience and trust in this season of my life. As such, waiting has been popping up everywhere and it's given me time to think and meditate on my crucial response to this test. On Monday, I was present for a sermon by a pastor at my church that really gave me a lot to think about. One of the points that really hit home for me was this, "Do I really believe that God will come through for me?" As soon as I saw the words on the screen, I took about 30 seconds to really just let that set in and ponder it for myself. "Do I really believe that? What hinders me from believing it? What am I afraid of? What would it look like to walk in confidence of what God has promised? What will it look like when He does come through?" And as I was praying about it on my way home I came to a conclusion. God will answer this prayer in one of three ways: yes, not yet, or no. Each answer is solid and unwavering. God doesn't change His mind because He doesn't need to; He already knows the end. So as I was praying I thought about each possibility and really gained a new understanding through it. I'd love to share what I've learned with you.

1. If yes, God will fulfill it. I don't need to do anything.
One of the coolest things in the sermon I mentioned earlier was what my pastor said about trying to make things come about of our own power. He said that a lot of us carry pressure we were never meant to carry to fulfill things within our life, because that pressure is supposed to be on God! Put the pressure on God! He can handle it! The God who created the entire world is strong enough to take on your life's pressure. Rest knowing that if the answer is yes, you're not going to miss it.

2. If no, God will let me know and walk me through it.
My biggest fear in praying for things so dear to my heart is this option right here. I know that the reality is that God may say no and I know this because there have been many things in my life that I have prayed for that have been very clear "no's." Even though I know He does this because it's in our best interest, I can usually only see that perspective when I'm on the other side. When I'm in the moment, my desire is so clear to me that for it to be "no" seems as if it's the end of the world. Because of this, I asked God to let me know clearly in a way that I won't be able to ignore and to walk me through the pain that comes with it. Yes, it may hurt if it's a "no" that you really wanted to be a "yes", but it's not the end of the world. It just means there's a different path planned. But know that you're allowed to be upset; God can handle that too.

3. If not yet, God will give me peace.
This one is my new favorite and the one I want to spend the most time on. That's huge for me to say because I hate waiting so I'm always wanting to hear, "yes," rather than, "not yet." But recently, I've laid down my stubbornness and started to grasp the idea that my resisting waiting is not making it go faster, it's just making me miserable! In some situations though, waiting is just that. There's no ulterior motive on God's end, you're just waiting for the perfect time for God to drop the answer to your prayer in your lap. In other words, if you're waiting but through much prayer you still feel like what you're praying for is something God's ordained and He's not said, "no" to then it may just not be time!

As a teacher, I truly can say I love my job and my kids, but I also have to honestly admit that I do have some pet peeves. They range from tattling to asking to go to the bathroom at inopportune times. However, one of the biggest ones that just irritates me to no end is when students tell me it's time to go to lunch when it's not quite time to go yet. I know this sounds dramatic, and I think I have a pretty good deal of patience with my students, but this one thing just grinds my gears. Usually, this is how it will go down: we are in the middle of instruction of some sort, but still have about 3 minutes before it's even acceptable for me to let them leave (I get in trouble as a teacher too you know). It will look as if I'm not paying attention to the clock given that I'm on the computer or very much involved in what I'm teaching. I have to say, to put myself in their shoes, this seems like very valid evidence! However, 9 times out of 10 I'm completely aware of what time it is because I'm just as hungry as they are! Inevitably though, someone will pipe up and say, "Miss French, it's time for lunch," as they point knowingly to the analog clock on the wall that's often a little inaccurate. I first suppress the anger that rises up within me and then once I've done that I say, "I know what time it is, you've still got a couple of minutes."

As I've said before, the Lord often teaches me things through my experiences with teaching and this is no different. I identify with my students on this level of impatience. They are so focused on eating and their desire to do so that they often lack reason. They are so blinded by hunger, and a bit of fear that they won't be able to eat lunch, that they forget all of the other days that I have let them out not only on time, but one minute early.

I know I do this with God! I know He's promised me something and He's shown me a lot about it, but as the clock ticks closer and it doesn't look like He's remembered what He said, I continue to remind Him as if He's forgotten. Now the difference between me and God is that He loves me so much that He wants me to continue to ask and doesn't get frustrated with me when I do. But regardless, just like I know what the clock says, so does God. And don't you think He desires to give us the things that we pray for as much if not more than we do?

His word promises to not withhold that which is good for us and sometimes that includes the desires of our heart, but the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Try shifting your perspective. What if you're waiting not to make you miserable, but because it's not ready yet? If you take a half baked cake out of the oven before it's done, sure the sugary batter might satiate your sweet tooth, but will it be nearly as successful as if you had waited?

What if you are desiring the right thing, but you must acquire patience so that you can stay the course to see it through? If it's truly "not yet," you have such a crucial decision here: do I get frustrated and give up and never see and receive God's best plan for me come to pass, or do I stick with it through the momentary uncomfortable to see and receive God's best?

In my prayer, I asked for peace. I asked for this because I know just how difficult it is to stay the course with patience and contentment. I once heard that we think of peace all wrong. We think of peace as silence, stillness, and harmony. While that may be the case, we can't fully understand peace until we are faced with something that's anything but peaceful! Peace is best understood in the face of opposition. Peace is the calm while the storm is raging around you. Peace is the beauty in the midst of brokenness. Peace is resting knowing that God's got this in the midst of uncertainty.

This is where it changed for me. Don't get me wrong, my feelings didn't change at all, but rather they were redirected into their rightful places. I'm not perfect at it, but just knowing that this situation is out of my control gives me such peace and rest. There is nothing I can do to expedite God's timing, and how arrogant of me to think that I could! I am constantly choosing to believe that God will come through even if it's in the realm of "not yet." And until then, we've just got to remain faithful in doing the last thing God told us to do.