I don't know if it's just me or not, but I'm like really bad at being a Christian. It's not that I have trouble presenting Christ and "living the Christian life" per se, but rather my faith recently has been more often than not flooded with doubt. The only thing you have to do right to be a Christian is believe and sometimes I'm not even good at that! Now, admittedly my mind is under construction so a lot of the thoughts I have I know I'm unable to trust, but it still doesn't make doubt feel like less of a threat to my faith. Recently I've been reading a book called Unqualified by Steven Furtick and I've realized yes I'm unqualified in my calling, but I'm also super unqualified to carry the name of Jesus. What did I do of my own human strength to deserve that? 

Nothing. That's the point of the Gospel. It was all Jesus, but I even in knowing this, I still find myself beating myself up for being "unworthy." 

Honestly though, who's to say that God can't also help us in our weakness even when it comes to relationship with Him? And that's what I need because I'm a wreck. My greatest desire is to just serve the Lord with a strong faith, but if I'm being honest, I fail everyday. 

I feel like I'm in good company though. I mean, how many times did God pursue His people who did nothing but run from Him? Quite honestly that's what the entire book of Hosea is about! But I think if anyone understood how unqualified we are to carry the name of Christ it was Paul. 

“This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.” - 1 Timothy 1:15 (emphasis added)

I don't think Paul was using false humility here and I don't think he was having a pity party either. I think truly he was assessing the reality of his situation and his weaknesses and realizing just how screwed up he not only was but still is! You see when we are saved we aren't immediately made perfect. I'd imagine Paul had figured that out by this point in time. He knew his tendencies and his short comings but still chose to press on towards Christ. In fact, he saw this as a blessing! 

"But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.”

1 Timothy 1:16 (emphasis added)

What perspective! That he could see his unworthiness as a tool that Christ is using to further his kingdom. I wonder what life would be like for us if we started viewing our doubt and shortcomings not as punishments, but opportunities for growth and glory to be shown! Not that we should ignore them, but that we should still work on them all the while receiving grace and submitting them to the Lord for His use as a part of His divine plan.