When you're around the church long enough, you start to notice something I like to refer to as, "Christianese." Christianese is the cliche jargon that 98% of Christians are guilty of using. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad and it's really not in an effort to be exclusive; it's actually fairly harmless. It's a basic concept of anthropology, really; the Christian culture has a specific way of teaching which includes certain words and phrases that people use a lot.

I grew up in church. I know; I can almost hear the groans, "Oh here we go, another Christian testimony that begins with 'I grew up in church,' never heard that one before!" but bear with me here. Growing up in church, I was overly exposed to the Christian culture, and as a result the corresponding Christianese. I could probably write a dictionary outlining each one with what it means, it's part of speech, and extensive examples each used in a sentence. It's good to be exposed to Christian culture; it's not good though when you become numb to key concepts because you are so used to hearing about them. That happened a lot with me and one of those concepts was grace.

Up until recently, the concept of grace was one I had head knowledge about, but lacked full heart knowledge about. I knew what it meant, but I didn't know what it meant. I've heard it defined as, "unmerited favor," and as I'm learning what it really means, I think it's the perfect definition for the concept.

I always sort of accepted grace for others first. I was quick to encourage others that it didn't matter their weakness; God's grace covers it and they are able to succeed because of it. Or I confused it with mercy (very similar ideas but vastly different. God's mercy overlooked our sins, grace allows us to come to Him). Or I would allow it to cover "small" things like a battle with bitterness or slip-ups that I was comfortable admitting. It wasn't until I was forced to accept grace that I really understood what it meant.

I don't say forced because I mean God forced me; rather I got to a point where I legitimately could not survive on my own without it. It was in my greatest struggle that I finally realized that I was trying to do everything on my own; I wasn't comfortable coming to God with my struggles because I was ashamed and I really genuinely felt like God would not give me grace. It was when I finally gave up and took a literal leap of faith to decide to trust that, even though it didn't feel like it, God would come alongside me and walk with me in my struggle, that I started to understand grace.

Teaching has taught me a lot about God's love. That may seem weird, but Jesus was the most legit teacher there ever was so it actually makes a ton of sense. Anyway, sometimes God really reminds me of how I interact with students in certain situations and uses it to help me understand His role in my life. He did this when He was teaching me the concept of grace. It was almost as if He said to me, "Megan, when a student fails, whether it's behaviorally or academically, do you automatically write them off and never give them another chance or help them to do better in the future?" I thought to myself, "Of course not! I always try to help them see their errors, encourage them, and allow them more chances." He said, "Then how much more will I do the same for you?"

As I thought more about it there were a couple of students I thought of. One specifically is one of my GREATEST challenges. He is very animated, opinionated, and it takes every ounce of patience I have to not lose my cool sometimes. But, I see his potential (which is a lot) and I know he's a good kid (even though he tries so hard not to be) so I constantly try to encourage him and also correct him but in a way that helps him to see where the flaw lies and correct it in the future. Each time he walks into my classroom I know he will probably mess up again, but even though he doesn't deserve it, I still work really hard to be kind and loving to him and help him when he does fail. I thought to myself, "This is so what God does with me, but on a greater and more perfect scale."

I was reading in Psalms and the following verse stuck out to me:

"You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded
in your book. 
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed." -Psalms 139:16

It was one I've seen so many times before, but with my new revelation of grace, I realized the weight of that statement: God saw my entire life before he even started creating me. He knew I would fail, He knew I would struggle, and yet He still chose me.

Grace isn't something God gives because it's an obligation; grace is the power that allows us to walk our Christian life. Grace doesn't mean we won't struggle; it gives us the power to struggle well. I finally realized no matter how many times I failed and no matter how great the failure, I could turn to God and He would reach out his hand, help me get up, and continue walking. That's one of the most powerful treasures of the gospel. I think I'm finally starting to understand why grace is so "amazing."