A Message for My Fellow Graduate
21 March
Not a whole lot of people know this, but the reason I went back to school was actually two-fold. Yes, it was to better my craft and become a better teacher and I absolutely value that, but the other half was much deeper than that.
About 2 and a half years ago, I read this book by the pastor of Passion City Church DC, Ben Stuart, called, Single, Dating, Engaged, Married. In the “single” portion, there was a section that basically encourages readers to “seize the day.” Essentially it is telling readers to stop putting off things they want to do and steward well this time that God has given them. There’s even a part where he encourages readers to KEEP LEARNING. That was a sign for me. So on the day that I read that, I decided I was going to stop wallowing about being single and utilize the time and opportunities I had because of my single season and go back to school. I had the money because my parents let me move back in so I could pay for school, and I had the time because I didn’t have a family of my own to support. My biggest gift in my single season was my “yes,” and I was saying “yes,” to doing something that would better me, but also every single student that walked in from that moment forward.
What I didn’t anticipate is how massively difficult the next two years would be. Not because of the academics, but rather because of life in general. It got real. Fast.
In my first semester of grad school (Spring 2018) I entered into my first ever dating relationship. I was ecstatic that a long sought after prayer was being answered. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out and although it was amicable and I’ve made peace with it since then, at the time it still hurt...a lot. I don’t care who you are, breakups are hard. Not to mention during that time, I was in the hardest classes of my entire graduate program. It was a lot to handle. But, I threw myself into 3 graduate courses that summer and came out on the other side with success.
Ironically enough, I encountered a very similar relational disappointment in my last semester of grad school (Spring 2020). A breakup seemingly out of nowhere left me temporarily sidelined. I could feel myself falling behind in both my work and my graduate program but I could not find the motivation to pick myself up. Luckily, I bounced back much quicker than last time (by the actual grace of God) and my academics did not suffer.
They say lightning doesn’t strike the same spot twice but apparently that rule doesn’t apply to me.
I’ve made it to the end of my master’s journey in much the same way that I began it, but I am not the same. I am far more resilient. I faced deep disappointment head on not once but twice during this journey both during significant parts of my program and each time, I bounced back.
You see, graduating with my master’s degree was supposed to be deeply symbolic. It was supposed to represent personal victory in my perilous journey through the muck and the mire of the last two years of my life which were so deeply heartbreaking. It was supposed to be a moment where I celebrated having a full time job, encountering devastating relational problems, maintaining involvement at church, and coming out of it DEBT FREE all while keeping a 4.0 GPA (which has never happened to me in school EVER). It was supposed to be a capstone. It was supposed to be a celebration. The key word here being “supposed.”
Yes, I still get my degree. That’s not the point. The point is, graduations themselves are significant. They are symbolic. They are important and so many of us are missing out on them because a pandemic has rocked the entire world to the point where the status of many graduation ceremonies is either uncertain, postponed indefinitely, or canceled all together.
This is a big deal because graduations are important.
High school graduation is important. It’s the signpost that says, I made it through 13 years of school. It’s the first turning point out of childhood and into adulthood for so many students. Not to mention it’s something they’ve likely looked forward to since they were very small. Not being able to celebrate and experience that is disappointing.
College graduation is important. Having been through both my bachelor’s and my master’s, I can honestly say that my bachelor’s felt much harder. I think it’s because it’s a long game in college; 4 years and hundreds of credits stand between you and the degree you need to be successful. Not to mention your entire life transforms in 4 short years to where you grow and mature into a productive member of society. Graduation is the signpost that says I made it through this rigorous collegiate program and this is what I have to show for it. It’s a turning point into a different level of adulthood and the workforce. Not being able to celebrate and experience that is disappointing.
Post graduate level graduation is important. So many of us getting master’s and doctorate degrees have had to juggle a lot of our life during this time. So many of us still have full time jobs that require our devotion and our attention in addition to rigorous course work. Graduation is a signpost that says I did it. I juggled everything and made it out on the other side. Not being able to celebrate and experience that is disappointing.
I tried to put myself into all three positions. How would I feel if my high school graduation was “postponed” or canceled? How would I feel if my college graduation was “postponed” or canceled? What about if I pursued a doctorate? What would that be like? Is there one I would give up over the others?
And you know what the answer was?
No.
I could not imagine giving up any one over the other and that’s because they’re all important. They’re all deeply significant and to go without any of these is deeply disappointing.
And usually I can bring out even a small positive from things like this, but after so much recent disappointment — can I be honest? — I don’t have one. It just sucks.
I guess the point of this is to express to the general public that graduates all over the world are mourning a part of their life that they’ve been looking forward to for a good chunk of time, and it’s very likely that for many of them it’s not just having their name announced, walking across a stage, shaking some hands, and grabbing a very expensive piece of paper. It’s more than that. For each person, it symbolizes something uniquely and deeply personal and to miss out on it hurts. To not be celebrated for that hurts.
You see, my very first group of 7th graders at Reagan Middle School, where I’ve spent most of my teaching career, are graduates this year too. How strangely bittersweet it is to share this hurt with them. But it gives me a deeper motivation in writing this because it reminds me that it’s really not just about me.
So to the class of 2020, whatever degree you are receiving,
All of this is to say that I don’t have an encouraging quote or some great advice for you. This is not an ideal situation and quite frankly it sucks. But I want you to know that I see you and for what it’s worth, I’m so incredibly proud of you. It’s likely your journey was not easy and you deserve to be celebrated. I’m sorry you might not be. I pray the people in your life will celebrate you and your accomplishment because it’s significant. You’re significant. We did it. Congratulations.
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