I've been in the weirdest season for a few months now. Throughout it I've been battling old hurts and hardships that have plagued me for as long as I can remember. And throughout it, nothing seems to have been going right. So 3 weeks ago I hit a deer. Actually, I like to say that a deer hit me because that's actually more accurate as to how it occurred. There was good that came out of it in the moment because at the moment I yelled for His help, Jesus completely protected my roommate and I from death quite honestly. But if I'm being honest, I was mad. I could not fathom why God just wouldn't give me a break! And I was especially mad when my roommate avoided the same situation a week later.

So I took my car to the shop to get it fixed fully anticipating that I would have to shell out money for the deductible. I mean I know how this works; this isn't my first rodeo with accidents. A few days later my dad messages me and tells me the raw estimate which was $3,500. I asked how much the deductible covered and he said $0. I literally was so sure I was going to scream right then and there (which would have been bad as I was at work in a room full of students) because in this "everything is going wrong" mentality, I took that as I have to pay $3,500 which I do NOT have. But upon asking my dad, he clarified that I owed $0. I immediately recognized this as God's grace and was thankful for how He had answered the prayer that my roommate prayed over my finances immediately after we got hit.

Fast forward to yesterday when I went to pick up my car from the shop. As I drove into the lot, I saw my car and I was amazed. Yes I knew they would fix it, but there was an added blessing. Because of an earlier accident, my hood was a baseline unpainted hood that my dad had bought. We kept putting off getting it painted because of lack of money and really lack of time to get it fixed. The hood was completely new and painted to match the rest of the car. I thought they might just replace it with an undented version of what I had, or just pop out the dents in the old one, but no it was completely new. I realized then that God had used this situation, (as He so often does) that the enemy intended for harm, for my good because now we don't have to worry about finding the money or time to get the hood painted because it was paid for by the insurance.

Later that day, I was reflecting on this blessing and the Lord spoke to me and said, "Megan, this is the principle of my Gospel." And He was right. I brought in the car mismatched, broken down, and busted and it was fixed. But not only was it fixed, it was fully whole. That's just what the Lord does with us. When we couldn't pay for the cost to fix it; when we tried to do it ourselves and failed; when we were busted; He came in, paid for the whole thing and fixed it without a second thought. The Lord doesn't give us a second rate new life, He gives us an abundant and whole new life.

This was everything for me. I've been needing a new revelation of the Gospel in order to get over this hurdle in my life that I've been stumbling over during this season. For so long, I've been dealing with my situation like I had with the hood on my car. I've masked it, covered it up, temporarily relieved the issue, all of which constitute as trying to fix it myself. But God was letting me go through this season because He didn't just want to pop out the dents, He wanted to replace the whole thing. I've been trying by myself to quell fears and anxieties that I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. And I've been doing it alone because what I was dealing with seemed too shameful for God. But all the while, He's been the whisper among the clamor of voices saying, "Don't be afraid. It's finished and paid for, I don't condemn you...just let me handle it."

Sometimes God uses a traumatic instance in our life to snap our attention to Him and to leave us with no choice BUT to trust Him. I've seen this in my walk and this car situation; in fact, they've been essentially parallel (weird how God does that!). I hope whatever you're holding on to today that you will release it to the Lord. No matter how shameful you think it is, He is merciful. And not just to everyone else; to you too. Trust me I know it is easier said than done and there are so many times where it feels impossible, but freedom is so worth it.