I hate the word “just,” and I’ve decided to cut it out of my vocabulary entirely. Particularly when speaking to someone going through a trial. Here’s why.
Over the years, I’ve found myself going to well-meaning, fellow Christians to process something going on in my life expecting comfort and healing only to have that pesky adverb thrown in my face.
“Just be content where you are.”
“Just rest in His presence.”
“Just pray.”
“Just trust.”
Now, these phrases in and of themselves are actually really solid pieces of advice; not to mention biblically sound. But when “just” is added to it what people like me hear is, “The solution to your difficult problem is actually really simple.” They hear, “Your problem is silly and you’ve just wasted your time. I told you that you were overreacting.”
“Just” implies that the listener hasn’t already come to that conclusion that you’ve proposed. Which is silly because it’s likely the first thing they have done. They know that’s the answer, but right now they aren't seeing progress and simply need a shoulder to cry on.
“Just” implies that the answer is as black and white as what you’ve proposed. Which is often not the case at all. More often than not, the situation is not black and white at all and goes a lot deeper than what you understand of it.
“Just” implies that the listener must try harder in order for his/her problem to go away. Which often only makes things worse and leads to disillusionment when doing what you’ve proposed doesn’t work right away.
I’d like to propose this: Jesus is not a “just” father. Now, I mean “just” in the adverb sense NOT the adjective sense because He very much is just. I mean that when we come to the feet of Jesus and lay out our struggles, He doesn’t give us a laundry list of "justs" for us to accomplish in order to fix it. He certainly didn't do that to the woman with the bleeding disorder who reached out to Him for healing. He didn't do that to the paralyzed man who came in through the roof. No, He listens, He mourns, He comforts, He protects, and He heals.
Speak truth over your friend if they need it, absolutely. But sometimes people need to be heard. Sometimes the best advice is none at all. Sometimes the most comforting thing is to hear, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m praying for you and I’m here for you.”
I want to be a friend like that. Let's be like Jesus together.
